Memories, march 1995

Life Goes On…..

What do you do when your spouse passes away.

How do you handle the kids? blacky has the story to share with..

“Our wedding was rather romantic, we got married on Valentine’s Day in 1991. My wife was a journalist with a local English daily. For three years life was hectic but fun. Then in 1994 my life changed when we had a beautiful baby boy. Somehow it didn't feel like a family until my son came along. He made our life seem perfect. I enjoyed being a dad. We went everywhere together, my wife, my son and I. It was a new experience.”

But nine months later without any warning whatsoever, life turned topsy-turvy. Out of the blue my wife collapsed. I knew she was asthmatic but that was not the problem. I rushed her to the hospital and she was immediately admitted to the emergency wad. She was in coma for three days

“The doctor explained to me that there was internal bleeding caused by her second pregnancy but they couldn’t operate until her blood pressure had stabilised. They tried to stabilised it but it just went down, and down until it reached zero. She passed away at the age 29.

It was devastated. My mind went blank. I couldn’t believe she was gone. I felt that she was still around. When I was in our house, I felt as though she was there, I felt that if I called out she would respond. I thought I saw her in the living room, in the kitchen, everywhere.

“I couldn’t do anything and I couldn’t think of anything except my son. I felt restless and I quit my job. I lived just for my son. He was always with me. Wherever I went, I took him with me. He was a gift from my wife. It was my responsibility to look after him. I felt that I should always be with my son.

“A month later, I was finally able to bring myself to sort out my wife’s thing. I found her diary and there was a note for me. What she had written surprised me. If she were to leave this world first, she wanted me to promise that I would look after our son until he was an adult. If I were to go first, she promised to do the same. Did she know what was going to happen? Maybe, I think she couldn’t bear telling me or her parents.

“I am lucky to have very understanding and caring in-laws. They treat me like their own family members even though Azlina is no longer around. My concerned in-law wanted me to live with them, as my own both parents has passed away since I was kid, and I agreed as I felt sorry for my mother-in-law. Now, she takes care of my son. I am thankful that she is around to help me and I believe she is happy to be able to spend time with my son as he is the only link she has left to her daughter.

“My father-in-law advised me starting work again and try not to think of Azlina all the time. After much thought I took his advice and started to do my job back. At first I was thinking to join back the Airline Industry which I have an experience in the Avionics, and when I figure out the jobs, its hard for me to continue coz it takes more link to outbound jobs,

Because I need to be close with my son. Then I decided to set a publishing company which is to far from my experience. I’ve met few good friends and I ask them to assist me and they agreed to help me. Then I took up photography interest which part of my favorite line and there we managed to published a local English magazine.

It’s been nine months since she has passed away and I still think of her. But I am stronger now. I know I cannot just think of her all the time. Each time I look at my son, I feel stronger. If I don’t have him. I would have gone away somewhere outside KL, maybe to a kampong or overseas. My life would be totally different.

Right now my son is the centre of my life. I take him to all the places I used to go with my wife and I keep a book of my wife’s momentos-her writing, her photos, etc. I intend to show it to my son when he grows up and tell him all about his mother.

“I spend every single spare second I have with my son. After work, no matter what, I have to go back home to him. Even if there are meetings or friends invite me to a football match with them. I still say no. I must go back home. Everyone is getting used to this, so now they tell me to bring my son along. Even for meetings!

“My friend and relative keep suggesting that I remarry. They have even tried to fix me up with a few girls, If it is fated, then it will happen. But right now, I don’t plan to remarry. Maybe later, much later when my son has grown up. All that is on my mind is his and my future.

Now I am very happy, all my pass life have made me a true life of being a single parent. Till now I'm just as I am now. I manage to run a publishing company and also a consultants for a corporates management firm which is far from my professional career. I have the only son which can share together as a father, son and like a friend. Now he is 15 years old and I have my own business and it will be a step forward not backward...